Things NOT to do when you work in a secure building

So, as some of you may already know, I work in a secure building. I have to have a security badge and credentials to get through various doors into and within my work environment.

Occasionally, particularly on a Monday after a long holiday weekend, I might forget said credentials. In this case I am required to go through a rather tedious process of signing in, having a manager verify that I am in fact not some uber-criminal bent on theft of confidential records, and receive then receive a temporary badge... all with people at the front desk who have known me for years and who will happily pretend that they have no idea who I am at all for the entire process.

Or... there is the other option... with my amazing ninja stealth-like skills on this particular Monday I embedded myself into a crowd of other incoming agents and pretended to scan my badge to open the door while in reality just grabbing it before it closed on the person before me. (GASP!!! Say it isn't so James! How could you be so untrustworthy!)

For a good chunk of the morning I basked in the glow of my successful use of my finally honed espionage skills as I got down to work. I had a ton of work to do and deadlines looming quickly, so the day went fairly fast. Around 5ish my co-workers were leaving but I had resolved to stay until my project was done. After 6pm it was wonderfully quiet being all alone in the building. Finally about 8pm I found a good stopping place and prepared to go home.




And then it hit me... I not only needed my security badge to get into the building, but also to get OUT. I raced to the window... the parking lot was almost empty, only my car, a second car that looked like it was broken down, and a motor cycle. So... not much of a chance to tail-gate out behind someone. This left me with only a few options:

I could go through the fire-doors. But in doing so it set off all manner of alarms and cause no end of paper-work and maybe even loose me my job. No... no... I really kind of like my job... no fire-exits.

Well then, I could press the  press a large green "I'm an idiot who has locked themselves in the building" button next to the exit, and then wait for capital security to come from the hill and let me out... a long wait followed by many many questions about how a guy with no credentials to be in a certain secure building came in to be in that building in the first place. Why if I forgot my security badge I hadn't signed in as required to get a temporary badge. And so forth... this almost certainly would be followed the next day by another delightful round of questioning by management along the same questions. Not a good option there...

How about if I called a co-worker and begged them to come back to work long enough to release me from captivity... oh, wait... that's right, about a year ago they modified the building access so only certain people could open the doors after 7pm... the only other person I knew of with that kind of access was Heidi W.

Calling Heidi's cellphone... ringing... ringing... ringing... crap! voice mail.

So I'm down to either summoning security humiliation or camping out by the door with a dinner of vending machine candy and soda and praying that either that motorcycle or the beat-up car actually belonged to someone still inside the building.

Dang it again! Going back to the vending machines I've found I've trapped myself even further... while the internal doors let me get TO the exterior security door but not through it, they won't let be back into the inner regions of the building... I've now isolated myself to a single hallway... I can't get back to my office, I can't get to the vending machines... I can't even get to a bathroom should it come to that.

Hanging my head, heavy with thoughts of the oncoming shame, I slowly reached out a trembling hand towards the hated Green Button of Stupidity... closer... closer... WAIT! STOP! What was that wondrous sound?  At the far end of the hallway the blessed 'Ding' of an arriving elevator car Yes, Yes a glorious person! A lovely, beautiful motorcycle helmet carrying biker man! (normally I don't swing that way but I could have kissed him in relief in this case!).

Freedom at the low, low expense of explaining so one person who doesn't really care and just wanted to get home himself about what an idiot I was to get into the situation.

Ah... humiliation averted... wait, whats this? Ah crap... it seems I forgot to hang up my cell phone when I called Heidi and got her voice mail and its been recording my entire external monologue berating myself (why on earth do I talk out-loud to myself when I'm alone) and explaining the whole thing to motorcycle guy...

Looks like humiliation is back on the menu boys!